First Woman : “My dos is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Second Woman : “I know…” First Woman : “How?” Second Woman : “My dog told me.”

One day, up in the frozen north a polar bear and his son were out for a stroll. Daddy bear sat on a lump of ice to admire the view and sent his son off to play. Two minutes later Junior came back to dad and says, “Can I ask you a question dad?”

“Sure, son what is it?”

“Am I a real polar bear, Dad?” asks Junior.

Dad smiles and says, “Of course you are, son. Now go and play.”

So off Junior goes again throws some snowballs at the seals but soon he’s back.

“Hey Dad, are you sure I am a real polar bear? Is there not a wee bit of brown bear or black bear in me?”

Dad smiles again and says, “Look son you’ve got big hairy black feet, a white coat, and a black shiny nose…of course you’re a polar bear….now go back and play.”

Once again Junior runs off…slides down the ice….chases a couple of seagulls…after ten minutes of fun he returns with a puzzled look on his face…..

“Daaaad….are you absolutely sure I’m a polar bear?”

“Look son…I’m a polar bear, your mums a polar bear, your granny and grandpa were polar bears…why are you asking all these questions?”

Junior looks up and says….”Cause I’m freaking freezing! “

Barman says: “No.”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Barman says: “No.”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Barman says: “No, we have no bread.”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Barman says: “No, we haven’t got any bread!”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Barman says: “No, are you deaf?! We haven’t got any bread, and if you ask me again and I’ll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!”

Duck says: “Got any nails?”

Barman says: “No”

Duck says: “Got any bread?

He pulls the guy over and says, “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”

The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins — and they’re all wearing sunglasses.

He pulls the guy over and demands, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”

The guy replies, “I did. Today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Because he heard it was 18 carrots!

A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!

A: To get to the other side.

The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.

So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he’s brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn’t reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.

Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.

Each bear was carrying a BEAVER!