The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde’s driver’s license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, “What does a driver’s license look like?’

Irritated, the blonde cop said, “You dummy, it’s got your picture on it!”

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, “Aha! This must be my driver’s license”, then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, “You’re free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.”

As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her:
“Paper or plastic?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she replied, “I’m bisacksual.”

“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Lisa, what is 1 and 1?”

“11!” she enthusiastically replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right in a way…”

“Okay, Lisa. What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”

“Shucks, that’s easy,” the blonde replied. “Today and tomorrow!”

The sheriff was again surprised that Lisa supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

He thought of his next question carefully to make sure there could be no equivocation about the answer:

“Now Lisa, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

Lisa looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while,” the sheriff replied with satisfaction.

So, Lisa wandered over to the salon where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

“How’d it go?” they all asked.

Lisa was ecstatic. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

After lying there for the next 30 minutes unable to go to sleep, she tells her husband to go do something about the barking dog. He tells her he has tried to tell the dog to be quiet before and the dog always continues to bark!

There’s nothing HE can do…

After another 15 minutes of barking, in frustration, the blonde wife retorts,”Well, if you won’t do anything, I WILL!”

She jumps out of bed and disappears outside. A few minutes later she is back in bed.

The husband sat up in bed, and still hears the dog barking. He asks, “I thought you said you could fix the barking problem…I still hear him barking!”

She replies, “I DID fix the problem! I tied the dog in OUR yard! LET’S SEE HOW THE NEIGHBORS LIKE THAT!”

They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.”

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.”

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….” Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said. How much will you charge me?” The blonde quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?” He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it? The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” the husband asked. “Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porsche, it’s a Lexus.”

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

A blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little idiot on your knee.”

He sounds like the right boy for you!

- Have you ever even taken a driving test?

- Yes, I have, and many times!