Short Funny Jokes

This is my Father Speaking

The fourth grade teacher received a telephone call one morning. The husky voice on the phone said: “Will you excuse Johnny from school today?”

“Who is this”? the teacher asked.

The voice answered. “ This is my father speaking”.

Rereading My Baby Diary

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it.

It said:
Day 1 — Still tired from the move.

Day 2 — Everybody talks to me like I’m an idiot. I was upset because on my second birthday, I went from being one to being two. And my age doubled in a year! I figured at this rate, by the time I’m six, I’ll be ninety.

Johnny why are you late for school?

Teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher: What Sign?
Johnny: The sign that says “School ahead go slow”:)

Learn From The Kids

Shampooing my 4-year-old, I noted his hair was growing so fast he’d soon need it cut.

He replied, “Maybe we shouldn’t water it so much.

Little Johnny Attended a Horse Auction

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”

His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.”

Johnny, looking worried said, “Dad, I think the FedEx guy wants to buy Mom.”