Short Funny Jokes

It was the day of the big sale!

Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store’s opening time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses.

On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”

He Stops and Bows Down in Prayer

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says:
“Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies:
“Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Chuck Norris Can Kill Two Stones

Did you know…

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

A Blonde Asked Someone What Time It Was

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 5:45.

The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied:

“You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”

Joke: Answering Service At The Mental Institute

“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.”

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.