Short Funny Jokes

It was the day of the big sale!

Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store’s opening time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses.

On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”

The glass is half full – Optimist, Pessimist and The Engineer

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man’

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining.

The ‘head of the household’ always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal.

To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man.’

Today in business, we use the expression or title ‘Chairman’ or ‘Chairman of the Board.

What is a Bank?

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

A Boy and His Date Parked on a Back Road

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.

Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.

“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20,” she said.

The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.

“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”