Short Funny Jokes

Very Old Dance Called: The Politician

Short Funny Jokes — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:37:04 +0000

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician.

“All you have to do” she told her class “is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around.”

Little Johnny’s Kindergarden At Local Police Station

Short Funny Jokes — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:30:59 +0000

Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Johnny asked, “Why the f… didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

Why Men Prefer Blondes?

Short Funny Jokes — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:11:53 +0000

Q: What’s the only reason men prefer blondes?
A: Because brunettes aren’t as easy to get into bed.

Actors And The Light Bulb

Short Funny Jokes — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:00:31 +0000

Q: How does an actor screw in a light bulb?
A: He just holds it, and the world revolves around him.

Getting Married In Restaurant

Short Funny Jokes — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:15:16 +0000

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Boss Was Told By His Boss

Short Funny Jokes — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:52:28 +0000

There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.

So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn’t want to lose his job, but he understood the boss’s situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said:
‘Mary, I’ve got a problem; By the end of the day, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off…’

And Mary says, ‘Then you’re gonna have to jack off, buster, I’ve got a headache!’

Male Versus Female

Short Funny Jokes — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:05:39 +0000

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” and I said, “Dust!”

Days Are Much Longer In Summer

Short Funny Jokes — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:38:19 +0000

The teacher asked, ” Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?”

“Well,” one alert pupil answered, “the days are much longer in summer.”

Escape From a Bear

Short Funny Jokes — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:13:19 +0000

There’s a guy who’s hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.

The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.

So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he’s brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn’t reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.

Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.

Each bear was carrying a BEAVER!

What Not to Say to the Police

Short Funny Jokes — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:45:25 +0000

Officer I can’t reach my license. Please hold my beer. (OK in Texas)