A. Silence!

The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde’s driver’s license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, “What does a driver’s license look like?’

Irritated, the blonde cop said, “You dummy, it’s got your picture on it!”

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, “Aha! This must be my driver’s license”, then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, “You’re free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.”

Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).

“What’s the matter, Son?” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “It’s my grades. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean ‘all wet?’”

“You know,” he replied, “…below C-level.”

As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her:
“Paper or plastic?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she replied, “I’m bisacksual.”

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, “Well, I’ve a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!”

The Priest responded, “Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.”

Luigi proudly replied, “I’m a-gonna go to get her.”

After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.

At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. “I will tell my saddest story first,” he said.

“I left the room key in the car!”

“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Lisa, what is 1 and 1?”

“11!” she enthusiastically replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right in a way…”

“Okay, Lisa. What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”

“Shucks, that’s easy,” the blonde replied. “Today and tomorrow!”

The sheriff was again surprised that Lisa supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

He thought of his next question carefully to make sure there could be no equivocation about the answer:

“Now Lisa, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

Lisa looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while,” the sheriff replied with satisfaction.

So, Lisa wandered over to the salon where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

“How’d it go?” they all asked.

Lisa was ecstatic. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

“Oh yeah?” said Little Johnny, “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, ‘Turn on the light, I wanna eat it!’”