Short Funny Jokes

Let’s Pretend We’re Married

Short Funny Jokes — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:06:14 +0000

Through a scheduling mix up, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
It’s late, the train is full, and everyone else is already asleep.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep.
The woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea … let’s pretend we’re married.”

“Why not,” giggles the woman.

“Good,” he replies. “Get your own blanket!”

Love Is Blind

Short Funny Jokes — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:58:59 +0000

Ana: My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful.
Nicole: Well they do say that love is blind!

Stallone, Van Damme and Schwartzenegger

Short Funny Jokes — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:06:56 +0000

Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.

The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.

The producers really wanted the box office ‘oomph’ of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.

“Well,” started Stallone, “I’ve always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.”

“Chopin has always been my favorite, I’ll play him.” said Van Damme.

Things were going well; the producers were pleased.

“Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?”

“I’ll be Bach.”

Doctor And His Car Mechanic

Short Funny Jokes — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:06:57 +0000

A doctor said to his car mechanic, “Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”

“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam. I have to keep up to date with new models coming every year.”

Women Talk More Than Men

Short Funny Jokes — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:25:00 +0000

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said, “What?“

My Wife’s Birthday

Short Funny Jokes — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:04:44 +0000

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.
Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

‘Oh, I don’t know ,’ she said .
‘Just give me something with diamonds.

That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

The Difference Between Men And Women

Short Funny Jokes — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:39:04 +0000

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells: “PIG!!!”

The man immediately leans out his window and replies with “B—–!”

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

What a Man Hears

Short Funny Jokes — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:33:40 +0000

What a Woman Says:

“This place is a mess! C’mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don’t do laundry right now
you’ll have no clothes to wear.”

What a Man Hears:

Blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON.
Blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I.
Blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR.
Blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Short Funny Jokes — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:40:56 +0000

Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the other side.

Very Old Dance Called: The Politician

Short Funny Jokes — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:37:04 +0000

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician.

“All you have to do” she told her class “is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around.”