Short Funny Jokes

Your Absence Is Breaking My Heart

Short Funny Jokes — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:32:25 +0000

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.

College Professors Driving Down The Highway

Short Funny Jokes — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 20:00:33 +0000

Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed.

A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous.

The driver pointed out the sign that read “20.” He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign.

The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20.

Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant.

As the policeman turn to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor …looking scared to death!

He asked the driver, “What’s wrong with them?”
The driver replied, “We just turned off Highway 105.”

Musician in The Middle of a Busy Shopping Mall

Short Funny Jokes — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 16:26:43 +0000

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall.

Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?”

I don’t have one,” confessed the musician.

“In that case, you’ll have to accompany me.”

“Splendid!” exclaimed the musician. “What shall we sing?”

Rolls-Royce in Manhattan

Short Funny Jokes — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:06:00 +0000

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank’s doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. “That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest,” the loan officer says.

The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. “Wait, sir,” the loan officer says. “You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?”

The man smiles, “Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?”

Three Men Discussing About Coincidences

Short Funny Jokes — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:10:17 +0000

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, ” my wife was reading a “tale of two cities” and she gave birth to twins”.

“That’s funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets”.

The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”.

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, ” When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves”!!!

Six Year Old Johnny Watched Many Good TV Adds

Short Funny Jokes — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 10:54:26 +0000

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”

“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.

“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”

“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars.

With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

The Car Broke Down

Short Funny Jokes — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:11:16 +0000

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, “I think a rod broke.”

The Chemical Engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I don’t think it’s getting gas.”

The Electrical Engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system.”

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

The Computer Engineer said, “I think we should all get out and get back in!”

Exceptionally Tall, Handsome and Sexy

Short Funny Jokes — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:16:41 +0000

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.

The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.

‘Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, “Clean my house.”

Pilot Who Wanted To Sound Cool

Short Funny Jokes — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 19:25:13 +0000

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where?”

Three Wishes and Three Wishes Only

Short Funny Jokes — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:09:42 +0000

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it.

Inside was a genie. The genie said,
” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only.”

The man thought about his first wish and decided,
“I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF!

Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him.

He asked for his final wish, ” I wish I was irresistible to women.” POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.